Welcome, and thank you for finding your way here to this new blog. I used to blog over here, and while it started out as a serious, consistent writing endeavor, after a while it turned into sporadic, directionless spurts filled with more angst than I’m comfortable admitting. So I closed the chapter on that effort, and here I am with a new name, a new direction, and a level of angst that I’m just going to fucking OWN this time.
This blog is going to be about mental illness. Specifically my mental illness (in case that wasn’t clear). I have just survived a roller coaster of psychiatric hell over the past month with a suicide attempt followed by a difficult hospital stay followed by some actual help. I’ve been discharged from an outpatient program and sort of left to fend for myself, having no therapist or doctor and brand new medications for a brand new diagnosis of bipolar disorder. On a holiday weekend. I feel angst about this, but I will work on that and get through it.
That’s what I do. I survive things. I’d like to be at a point where I can live and not just survive, and it would be great if I could feel some hope that it will happen one of these days. For now I am living one half day at a time, and creating this new forum where I get to expose you to my honest, fucked up but sometimes funny, obsessive, or completely misguided thoughts and feelings helps me live to see the next half day. Lucky you! I suggest having a coping mechanism of your own (stiff drink, running shoes, a cake, etc.) nearby when you read these posts. You never know when you might need it.
Thank you for reading, and welcome.