Eight Weeks

Today marks exactly eight weeks since I tried to kill myself, and it already seems like it happened in a different lifetime. I figured it was a good time to take an eight week life inventory.

Eight Weeks Ago: Heading to the ER after not having taken my insulin in two days
Now: Heading to boyfriend’s house to watch Superbowl (commercials) after not having eaten in two hours

Eight Weeks Ago: Called National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Now: Called US Masters Swimming and renewed membership for 2017

Eight Weeks Ago: Sixteen tattoos
Now: Twenty tattoos

Eight Weeks Ago: Dating life – unsustainable due to severe depression
Now: Dating life – boyfriend, stable, happy

Eight Weeks Ago: No car, no money
Now: Great car paid for outright, no car payment, credit card debt paid in full

Eight Weeks Ago: Taking one psych medication that did not work for shit
Now: Taking five psych meds that provide functionality; learned that previous psych medication cannot be metabolized by my body

Eight Weeks Ago: Almost completely isolated, by choice
Now: Surrounded by people and love, by choice

Eight Weeks Ago: Stayed in apartment to escape from real life
Now: Only stays in apartment to sleep and do laundry, otherwise out and with people

It’s fair to say that eight weeks ago I didn’t think I would be here today. I wouldn’t have believed you if you had told me that I would not only still be alive, but I would be fighting harder for myself than I ever have before; that I would find more love and support than I have ever let myself feel before; that I would be slowly but surely making my own dreams come true.

There is no moral to this story. I’m not going to say that I shouldn’t have tried to kill myself two months ago. At every point in my struggle I made the very best choices that I could at that given moment. Past Allison Anarchy will always have my retroactive support and validation.

President Pussy Grabber

I did try and fuck her. She was married. I moved on her like a bitch, but I couldn’t get there. And she was married. Then all of a sudden I see her, she’s now got the big phony tits and everything. She’s totally changed her look. I’ve gotta use some Tic Tacs, just in case I start kissing her. You know I’m automatically attracted to beautiful – I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star they let you do it. You can do anything…grab them by the pussy. You can do anything.
– The President of the United States of America

Here is why the Women’s Marches on Washington today are so important to me. The man who said the above quote, when he didn’t know he was being recorded, is the man that is running my country. I am a woman. I belong to womanhood, a gender who, since the beginning of time, has been expected to carry the burden for men’s lack of respectability. You can’t focus because your dick gets hard when you look at my hair, and even though I didn’t do anything wrong, I’m the one expected to change? For you?

Fuck no.

We refuse to let this pussy grabber make us invisible props with fewer rights than he and his rich white friends, who take them for granted. Everyone who voted for this man knew he said what he said, and he has now been elected to run the country we live in. The country that 98% of us who are not rich white men are supposed to fucking survive in even though at any moment someone can take away our health care, or deny us the right to decide what to do with our own bodies, or threaten our rights as humans just because we were born women.

These women’s marches that took place across the country, attended by men and transgender as well as women, were our way of saying – this is the world we exist in, and you shouldn’t be allowed to take it away. We are the people you are representing, and there are a lot of us, and I fucking dare you to try and grab any of us by the metaphorical pussy because any one of us would kill you with our bare hands in retaliation. And there are millions of us.

There is nothing that will make us stop fighting. We’ve been fighting for centuries, and we won’t stop for centuries to come if that’s what it takes. So your disrespect, and when I say disrespect I mean your blatant disregard for lives that are different from your own, has been noted, but it’s just a flash in the pan. We women have been fighting people like you from the day we were born with vaginas.

You may have the title of President, but you have not earned my respect.